from the edge of the deep green sea

Presidential elections in Costa Rica are mere days away from happening. At this point, I’ve been absent from the presidential debates and other political events that could raise awareness on what their plans are. While I try to figure out on whether I should vote or take a sharpie and draw a picture of a penis and vote for it on the ballot (yes, I quite frankly believe a random johnson is a better candidate sometimes), I can’t help but ponder on what these people could offer to make Costa Rica a better place. This post, as offensive as it may be to some, is about those ideas. On how one man whose alter ego is known as Grumpytico, can make Costa Rica a better place

Drugs, sex, and rock and roll

This one is easy. Legalize pot, just do it. Counterpoints to this idea would be that pot is a gateway drug, and that could be, but so are alcohol and cigarettes, which are available to anyone and can cause a physical addiction whereas pot doesn’t. The difference between those 2 and pot is that the government can profit from taxes sold on those products. So just legalize pot. If you have ever smoked weed you know it’s nothing, and if you have never smoked it, then you are not entitled to an opinion.

What good can come from this? Government can make money from pot taxes and my friends could get quality pot whenever they wanted. If you are my nephew/niece and you are reading this: “Drugs are bad…mmmmmmmkay?”

Let’s all help the poor

Poor people are always mentioned during the pre-elections. Every candidate has a master plan on helping those who don’t work and procreate like rats to have a better life. This is one of the points for which I won’t vote for Otton Solís. His magic plan involves giving poor people lots of money and taxing the living shit out of those who make money to help them. Nice thinking, dick-wad – you are basically punishing those who work and rewarding those who do jack shit.

Am I saying that we should not help the poor? No, I am just saying giving a bunch of money to someone who is poor is not going to solve the problem. In order to help the poor overcome their condition is to educate/train them in some way so that they can actually have good jobs. Create incentive programs for all the junkies and people who live at or below poverty levels to become better people somehow. Be tough on parents who won’t let their kids go to school because they send them to be beggars on the street. Try to attack everything that annihilates all people’s chances of becoming better citizens at the root. Giving them money is like covering a pothole with asphalt, and we know how well that works in this country.

Separation of Church and State

The government should be spending the money that is destined to help the Catholic Church in something else (see above). The Catholic Church is LOADED with money, they can build their sanctuaries and pedophiliac torturing devices all by themselves. I’ve touched this point plenty of times here, so I won’t dive into details.

Abortion

When a woman cannot have a choice on whether to have an unwanted baby or not, we have lost our right to choose. Of course this does not mean that every pregnant woman should abort, it’s just about giving people a choice. There should be a limit on weeks of pregnancy that this should be allowed (unlike Cartman’s mom who wanted to abort when the kid was 10 years old – you need to be a South Park fan to get this one .

Anyhow, allowing women to choose gives them a better chance of having a kid when they are ready. And sometimes being stupid, horny, and drunk at a party is not the best ‘ready’ there is.

Families can have as many kids as they want – if they can afford it

This one is delicate, as it may quickly fall into the same pattern in which China only allows one family per kid and then some families let their newborns die of they are not male. All I am saying is that if a family has a child and they are living under conditions which would make it impossible to sustain another child, then either the dad or the mother (or both) should be neutered (I know this is the term for dogs but I was too lazy to look for the one that applies to humans).

This may seem crude, inhumane, and downright disgusting. But if you have not seen it on T.V., I urge you to go to any community that lives below poverty levels and try and find a family with less than 2 kids. What do you think will happen to those kids? Chances are, they will not go to school, end up selling drugs or mugging people and procreating like rabbits.

Same-Sex Marriage

Gay people should have the same chance straight people have when it comes to being miserable, so let them get married if that’s what they want. Catholic Church doesn’t like it? Who gives a flying fuck? It’s about time the Church goes away. Denying a right to any person due to his race, sexual orientation, or eye color is wrong, period.

Organ Market (could not think of a better name for this, sorry)

Let’s see…someone at a hospital is in a waiting list for a kidney transplant. This person is loaded but will die soon enough if the transplant is not received on time. On the other side of a country a healthy person has to feed his family, was laid off, and has no money at all, he has nothing…except…except an extra kidney – ch-ching!

Yes, it is immoral and deplorable but works both ways. The organ donor recipient gets to live and the person in dire need of money gets a shitload of dough…oh, and the donor gets also the shirt above, it’s a mega win.

Criminal Punishment

This one is as easy as pie. If you murder someone, you will be put to death. If you steal, you will rot in jail. I don’t see why this is so difficult to modify in our Constitution. Fishman, a candidate who for a political party that has being tied with various incidents of corruption, bestows upon us the magic formula: hire 2x cops, double their salary.

This is as effective as washing a rotten tooth with twice as much toothpaste and twice the times you normally would. The teeth is rotten, and just like these criminals need to be taken out of our society, it needs to be pulled out.

If you are a cop, and your job is to put bad people in prison, how would you feel if the fucker you caught is freed after months, or even days after the apprehension? This would demoralizing, demotivating, and worrying as well (will this criminal that I put behind bars look for some kind of retaliation?).

So, Mr. Fishman, your formula is as stupid as the naive idea that somehow you had a chance in hell to represent this country someday. We need severe laws with severe punishment. Society has give you a chance since you are born to be part of it; if you decide to blow it all away by violating the integral laws that make up this society, then you should be secluded from it; and trust me, you will not be missed.

Animal Rights

Stray animals are constantly being tortured and killed by unscrupulous people that are practicing to become serial killers and rapists. Where does the government stand in all this? It doesn’t. Check out this jewel (Spanish, though just by watching you will understand):

If you ever owned an animal, you know how loyal, caring, and ever-loving they can be. Having random idiots torturing them without consequence makes my blood boil. If this were to me, I’d also put the death penalty on these fuckers (via a live event in which the idiot would die in the same way he/she tortured the animal, we can even charge admission for this….fuck I think I am really sick ).

These animals are defenseless and I believe that they should be protected by incorporating some kind of amendment that would make the torturing of animals a crime.

So there, it all boils down to legalizing pot, sending the Catholic Church where it belongs (hell), legalizing abortion, opening the market for organ sales, putting some balls on crime sentences, legalizing same-sex marriage, protecting animal rights, educating the poor and finding a job they can carry out.

Now let’s see which of the candidates have something like this on their agenda…. …. … Yup, seems like I’m voting for dick, I’ll go get my sharpie.